Have you ever lost a loved one? Have you ever thought what it would feel like if you did?
I wrote this blog just 13 days after I lost my Dad. He had been sick for the last year and a half. This was my very first time being so close to cancer and watching someone I love slowly fade away.
His cancer affected his lungs so over the last year it got tougher and tougher for him to breathe. They tried everything from surgery to radiation and then finally oxygen and steroids.
My Dad faced this bravely, always looking on the bright side, believing he would recover.
Halfway through his treatment his doctors mentioned there were some new trials that maybe he could join. This really kept him in the game.
He knew he had a big fight ahead, but his mind kept him strong and he rarely complained.
About one year later things started to really deteriorate. When I went for a visit he was barely able to catch a breath. The steroids were making his body frail, so he lost mobility in his arms and eventually his legs.
Amazingly he maintained his will and fought right up until the doctor told him that there was nothing more they could do. They were now going to start to treat the symptoms—not the disease. All of my siblings and my Mother, my Dad’s one and only love since they were 16 years of age, sat around and listened as the doctor leveled with us. It was the most heartbreaking conversation you could ever imagine.
What stands out for me the most was as soon as the doctor told my Dad that they had done all they could you could see his body just give up. Any slight bit of hope had now been lost. I thought all along he had to have some idea that his cancer was terminal? How did he not know?
That wasn’t it. He knew. He had such a strong will that he was going to fight and not allow anything to get in his way. But when he heard those words he let go in his mind and in his heart.
After my Dad took his last breath, I was waiting for something to happen. The cold breeze, the smell of flowers, the something. For days I waited, and then realized there is a sense of peace that I feel that I have never felt before. A knowing that it’s going to be ok. A feeling as if he didn’t leave, but he is closer now than ever before.
In the physical world I lost my Dad. My kids lost their Poppy. But, in the spiritual world I gained an angel.